I am a positive, optimistic person, who believes that we were all put on this earth to make a difference.
A heads up, swear words ahead; In this email, I use the word shit at least 3 times, and fuck twice. If you are offended or don’t like the use of bad language, please wait for my next non swearing post, or scroll all the way to the bottom to unsubscribe. I have decided that today is the day to truly start living my authentic self.
Another heads up, this is a long one, about 7-8 minutes at my reading pace, but you could probably do it in about 5 minutes if you are a speed reader. So grab a cup of tea/coffee or whatever and then get comfy and enjoy the read.
Now back to it. The size of the difference we each make on this earth is irrelevant, but I know for a fact, that we were born to make the most of the life we have been given. And I know we are not here to simply survive and get through each day, hang out for the weekend, and then do it all again next week.
You agree with me at some level, if you are here to simply survive, I dare say you wouldn’t be reading this email.
Your difference might be making sure your kids are growing up in a loving home, it could be that you say hello to any stranger you meet to brighten their day, maybe you put your shopping trolley back in the bay instead of leaving it for someone else, you might volunteer, help out at school, keep in touch with someone who is not doing so well, you might be writing a book that helps people get through the struggles you have conquered, you might be helping to save the planet from global warming, helping rid the world of famine and disease, you might go next door to chat with your elderly neighbour who lives by themselves, or maybe you pick up that bit of rubbish you see on the ground, and put it in the bin, even though it wasn’t yours. Go you good thing!!!
Where am I going with this?
Every day we wake up, we get the opportunity to decide what level of difference we are going to make.
Am I going through the motions again today, or fuck it, am I actually going to try today and make it the best damn day I can. Maybe today I will tell the kids I love them and really mean it, tell my partner how much I love her and make sure she knows it, or go to the extra effort of making a yummy breakfast for the family, and decide, in that very moment, that everyone I meet today, is going to feel that much better about their day because I was in it.
You see, life happens, when you decide to fully commit.
Your situation, either at home, in the job you have, and in the life you live, might not be the exact life you wish to be living, but if you can actually decide to make it worth living, then you will be surprised how quickly you are living the exact life you want to be living.
Does that make sense?
I read, watch, listen, and learn from a number of different mentors and coaches, and they all say that you need to be acting and living the life you want to be living, in this very moment.
I struggled with this for a long time, thinking that it is easy for them as they fly in their private jet, getting someone else to write their emails, but it is actually so true (please note that I am not writing this from a private jet).
Almost everyone I choose to follow, has come from a background not to different to my own, and I could bet, to a degree, that it isn’t too dissimilar to your own.
The difference is how they decided to show up, and present themselves, day after day. You may not be in the house/job/car/life that you want to be in, but you still get to decide how you show up, mentally, each and every day. If you are not in the house/job/car/life you want to be living, there is absolutely something you can do about it, right now.
The hardest step, and the only step that separates you or me from any of them, is the first step, and that is, deciding to actually show up, in that very moment.
It means that you need to change your mind to be the person you not only want to be, but the person you will respect, admire, look up to, and believe in, as yourself, each and every day.
Being My Authentic Self
I decided that I want to be not only living, but sharing my authentic self. Hence a few swear words today. But I decided that instead of always trying to present the positive, optimistic person, some of the not so pretty stuff is ok to share as well.
First up, I am going through a divorce. Here’s the short version.
I decided that I hadn’t been happy for a long time in my marriage, and I had lost myself, and my outlook on life had been all but squashed. I realised that I had put up with parts of my wife’s personality that weren’t just things you work through, they were things I didn’t like in my wife, or any human being for that matter, and I would prefer to live the rest of my life single, than be married to someone just because that’s what you do.
I had also forgotten about who I was, and forgotten what I needed in my life to be able to live it fully.
I had to find that person again to put myself in the position of knowing, whether or not it was me, my wife, or something else in our marriage or life.
Marriages can be hard, much like anything in life, but you need to decide if it is the marriage that is the problem, or are there other things going on. If it’s the marriage, you can usually work on that, but if it is something else, then you might need to make some big decisions. We tried to make it work for a long time, but it wasn’t.
To this point in my life, I would say it’s the biggest, and hardest decision I have ever made, but I don’t regret leaving my wife at all.
I happen to have met someone I love with my heart, instead of my head (I can explain that in another post if you would like), and someone who has a beautiful outlook on life, and the way it should be lived. Much as I have always believed life should be lived. She has two beautiful kids, 7 and 9, who have been great at accepting, and welcoming me into their life.
Back to me feeling like shit this morning.
My partner’s kids are struggling with their feelings for me, compared to their feelings for their dad. Given their age, it is completely understandable that they are having these struggles. I feel for them, as I only want to provide a loving, supportive environment for them to grow up in.
Their mother and I both share a similar view on life, as I have shared with you in this email, and that the glass is always half full, and that life is full of opportunities. Their dad on the other hand is the opposite. We can’t complain, he does actually want to see his kids, and he wouldn’t harm them in any way, but the way he talks to them is always with him as the victim, and he takes a lot of emotional energy from them. His life was challenging growing up, so he is treating his kids in much the same ways as he, himself, was treated as a kid.
We all know that many of the problems we face as adults, emotionally, are from what we experienced as kids, and while our parents will have done the best they could, for better or worse, we are who we are because of those experiences.
As an adult, we then get to decide what we like or don’t like about ourselves, and we have the opportunity to change our story, and turn our experiences into a positive, not only for our own benefit, but for those around us.
After the kids have spent any time with their father, they need to go through an emotional rebuild with their mother, and I need to give them the space to rebuild. It’s hard sometimes for me not to take it personally, and to think it isn’t about me, when I know the kids are simply trying to understand what they are going through, and that in their ideal world, their mother and father will get back together again.
But today my feelings were initially that it is me, and again, I need to give them space, when really, on the inside, I want to spend more time with my partner, and more time with them, building our own family, and our own memories.
So why does it make me feel like shit?
Because love can hurt, and that’s ok, it means you are actually committing yourself, to something bigger than yourself. In this case it is my partner and both her kids, and I wanted to pick them up from school, spend some time with them and then cook dinner so she could come home and also have some time with her kids, and just relax, and know that someone loves her. I am now giving them space so the three of them can have some quality time together, without me, and that hurts. I know in the bigger picture, it will benefit all of us in allowing them to have this time, but at the moment, it just sucks a little.
Right now, in this hurt, I get to decide how I feel about it. I decide if I want a pity party, or I can decide to see it as a positive, and that I want the kids to grow up knowing that their mother and I do love them, and right now, me expressing my love means I need to give them some room to heal.
Be Authentically You And Make The Difference You Were Born To Make
Today’s post is all about making a difference in this world by being your authentic self, and showing up each day as you, not as somebody you think everyone wants to see. Hence why I have shared a little about myself. Seriously, fuck it, what have you got to lose in life, other than a few people unsubscribing due to the use of bad language, and it is, but who really cares. I want to be able to help people as my authentic self, and swearing will happen on the odd occasion. Today just happens to be that occasion.
If you relate to anything in this email, I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment below.
Remember, you get the chance every day, to live life on your terms.