Will you ever be enough?
Can I start by saying, you are enough.
You always were.
In the past you may have tried to do things, and may still be trying to do things, that make your parents proud of you, or you tried to impress your friends in order to fit in, look cool, be accepted etc. And at certain stages of your life, you may have thought you needed to do this for your own self-esteem and confidence. I know I did at various times of my life, and probably still do in certain situations, but a whole let less than I ever used to.
In reading this, let me tell you, you are enough, and you always were, and I always was, and am.
Life teaches us many lessons from the day we are born. From learning to walk, talk, and use our legs, arms and hands, to jump, run and play. And as we learn, we experience various levels of failure, and learn what our threshold is when it comes to trying new things, or trying things we had tried previously, that didn’t worked out so well for us.
We start to learn from all of our experiences, about confidence and self-esteem, we build our own set of values and beliefs, and we learn about believing in ourselves. We start making decisions about what we do, and what we don’t, like, and we learn about trust.
From all of our experiences, and learning’s, as human beings, we are taught to look for different ways to measure ourselves, and measure where we are at in life. It might be by assets, education, job title, how busy we are, or how hard something is in comparison to what others are doing.
What if our measurement of self, and our measure of success had nothing to do with anyone else, had nothing to do with what we were supposed to have, or what we were supposed to be doing by a certain age in our life.
A side note, that measuring yourself can actually be a good thing, as it helps keep us competitive and helps us in many situations do more than we would have done without that competition, so measuring yourself definitely has its benefits, but stay with me here.
What if you decided one day to watch movies, binge on tv, or read a book all day, and you were fine with it, while another day you might get out and have an awesome day with your family, or friends, and you were ok with that.
And if you do measure yourself, which you will, don’t worry, so will I, what if you started measuring how many times you laughed in a day, or how much joy you have in your life, how many times you took a risk or tried something new, or to go out on a limb, what if you didn’t measure yourself at all, it just was!
In all of this, I’m not saying that you don’t care, or that you are going to start putting in the least amount of effort, in fact it is nearly the opposite, you do care, but you choose to care about the right things. You choose to care about what holds real meaning and value in your life, instead of caring about many of the things you were taught to care about, that measure who you are, and where you should be by certain stages of your life.
I want you to imagine for a moment, it was day 1 of the planet, and lets skip past the dinosaurs, and jump to when you woke up this morning, with everything still the same, except, its day 1 of the world.
You have no fears (when it comes to starting new things, because you don’t know or understand failure yet), no judgements of self, nothing or no one to compare yourself against, and you believe in yourself (I know, it sounds crazy, right, imagine believing in yourself).
Imagine going about your day without fear of what others might think of you, or what they might think about what you are trying to do.
How much more creative might you be, how many new ideas would start coming to life for you, because you weren’t afraid to try something different.
Think for a moment about a younger version of yourself, or your kids coming home from school saying “I was encouraged to fail today”! What difference would that make to your life today, as an adult, or how would that change who you, and the decisions you make because you were taught that it is ok to fail and learn, and work out for yourself a different way to solve a problem, instead of being taught failure is bad, don’t fail! Ever!!
I remember years ago, I was in a study group, and the questions were about superannuation, and why aren’t the younger generation concerned about their retirement. At the time, my responses were around why would you want to be thinking about retirement, and preparing yourself for death when you are in your 20’s. A bit morbid, but that was my thinking, at the time.
One of my answers was, great, you retire, buy a caravan and travel and see the country. Why would someone in there 20’s want to tow around a box on wheels, and why would I want to spend the next 40 or so years, preparing myself to be excited about towing around a box on wheels?
Why do that when you are old and towards the end of your life, shouldn’t we be living life now, while we still have the ability to, at least the traveling part. A side note, its funny that now we own a camper trailer van, and aim to get away at least once a month, and I love it. Yet I have always loved nature, and being out in it as much as I can, so I should have loved it sooner, but I am getting off track, more on that another time.
Where I am going with all of this, is that we all make work, and the life we think we should have get in the way, and we can so easily become distracted and lose our sense of purpose of what we are trying to achieve in our lives.
We become so on what we should have, or what we should be doing, by certain stages as we prepare for towing our box on wheels around the country, when we need to stop, and realise that what we have, and who we are, right now, is enough.
The endless hours we put in to making ourselves fit into the world, as parents, friends, family, employees, work mates and business owners, is enough, and we need to be ok with that. We can always do more in certain areas, but we all need to give ourselves a pat on the back and remind yourself that you are enough as you are. There is no need to try and be more than enough, just be.
In allowing yourself to feel like you are enough as you are, you allow yourself to be deserving of love of yourself, and deserving of time, and a little appreciation, for you. In allowing yourself to be enough just as you are, you lose much of the fear that holds you back in life, and stops you from achieving what-ever it is you want to achieve, because you aren’t afraid to try.
It doesn’t matter how many people tell you that you are enough, you have to believe it for yourself, and it is often through our own measurement of self, that we decide whether we are enough or not. You may need to adjust your measurement of self slightly to start believing in you, and start measuring the areas of your life that are actually important, and have real meaning to you, and then you have to remind yourself, often.
You’ve got this, you are enough, you always were!