Stop Making it Right for Everyone Else!

At what point is it when you have had enough?

When do you finally get so mad at yourself for always making it right for everyone else, always making time for everyone else, and for saying yes to anything they ask of you.

You are tired of always doing what feels like the right thing to do.

Your friends, your family, and your work colleagues like you, they think you are an awesome person, but what does that actually count for, when many of them walk all over you, or take advantage of your kindness.

You have done everything you can to make sure they are ok, even in the times when you were not ok.

You hid your feelings, hid all of your problems, and made sure you had your smile on, ready to make them feel better about their life, and their situation.

It is time to stop taking care of everyone else’s feelings, and start taking care of your own.

An introvert by nature, you are going to struggle with not taking care of others, so I have taken the liberty of writing out a handy guide for you to follow. Sometimes we need someone to tell us exactly what to do. So here goes.

You can work your way up to this, or you can go cold turkey, and go all in, from day one.

It works on a rotating roster, pin it on your fridge if you need to.

Week 1: Mon-Fri Take care of others, Sat-Sun Take care of you

Week 2: Mon-Fri Take care of you, Sat-Sun Take care of others

You can try alternating days if you like, just don’t forget which day you are on, and which day you are off (please note, you don’t need to use this guide, I am simply trying to highlight the need to take care of yourself by setting boundaries).

Now, as an introvert, you are a natural carer, so keep caring, but you do it so much better when you can manage your own boundaries, and care for yourself.

You have been in this place before, the one where you feel like you want to make drastic changes in your life, and stop letting others walk all over you, then you get over it, watch an epi-season (where you plan on watching one episode and end up watching an entire season), have some time out from the world, and life goes back to normal-ish.

This time it is different, even after your epi-season and time out, you aren’t putting on the same smile like you used to. Your compassion, or caring of others, feels more fake than real, and you feel different on the inside.

You are tired of being this person, but what do you do about it, everyone only knows you as this person, so how can you be anyone else, especially yourself!

This isn’t about being rude, or burning bridges, this is about presenting you to the world, (that is, when you know who you is). This also isn’t about bringing all of your problems into every conversation, but maybe it is about telling the next person who asks how you are going, tell them that you are having a shitty day, when you are having a shitty day.

It is about learning to say no, or that you can’t do something for them, and feeling ok about it. It is super hard at first, but it is worth putting the time and effort into. 

Learning to say no is a skill, and a difficult skill to master as a caring introvert.  More often than not, in your attempt to master this skill, you will include a long list of reasons why you have said no.

When you learn to say “no, I am unable to help”, take a deep breath, and you leave it at that, that is when you have truly mastered it.

You might have been asked to work an extra shift, and have always said yes in the past because you hate disappointing people, but when you can simply say no, without telling them why you have said no, then you empower yourself, and get back some much needed personal energy to tackle the world (or even just the remainder of your day).

You feel like you are letting them down when you say no, but you have actually trained them, and taught them that you are available 24/7 by always saying yes, or always being there for them, so why would they not ask you. It will come as a shock at first when you say no, but in saying no, you don’t only empower yourself, you teach them that you can stand up for yourself, and that you do care about your own self-worth, and your priorities, both professionally and personally.

They will find someone else, or do it themselves, and life will go on, except, in saying no to them, you have learned how to say yes to yourself.

This takes trial and error, but I encourage you to try it, get comfortable with it, and start making you a priority in your life. And try it when you first start having the feelings that you don’t like being walked over.  It will save you many years of pain and anger towards yourself, and as hard as it might feel right now, it is way easier than waiting another 10-20 years when you really have had enough.

By waiting too long, it does become rude, and you don’t care at all about hurting anyone’s feelings, because you become void of feelings, when that isn’t the real you at all.

Set some boundaries, give no a chance, and get you out there.

Will the real you please stand up, please stand up, please stand up!!

Published by Simon | The School of Purpose

An optimistic introvert, helping introverts overcome self doubt, build confidence, and start living life on purpose.

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